Monday, July 14, 2008

Home

Sometime last year, when I was coming back late to DC from New York, some Latino started a conversation with me while waiting for the metro. I had mentioned that I was tired and just wanted to go home. “So you live with your family here [in DC]?” he asked. And my reply was that I lived in a campus apartment with friends, not family, as I studied in DC. “So this isn’t your home. Where is your home?” Now, as I was tired, I didn’t really feel like debating the different definitions of home, but nevertheless it was interesting to meet someone who had such a rigid definition.

For me, any place I’ve lived for a significant amount of time becomes home, and stays that way in my mind ever after. It’s not so much the places that define home though. It’s the people. You know the saying “Home is where the heart is”? Well, I believe that. Wherever I’ve lived, blood family or not, there are people who I grow to love as much as family, and whenever I’m with them I am home.

So, Shamong, NJ, where I was born and raised is home; Durango, Colorado, where my parents built a second house (that will eventually become their only house, apparently once I graduate) is home; DC, where I live and study is home; and now Tunisia (Tunis in particular) is also home.

As much as I thought I was ready to come back home to the US, I realized that I am never ready to say goodbye, especially to the places – to the people – I call home. Inchallah I will see Tunis again some day.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Thoughts before leaving...

This'll just give you a gander at the way my mind works for your amusement and for me to regain some sense of sanity:

Holy shit, I'm leaving Tunisia tomorrow. I'm really going to miss this place. Maybe I should stay. No. I don't want to stay. I want to come back. I'm definitely coming back. But I won't stay. Oh my god, I'll never see (insert names here) again. Shut up, Amanda. Don't think like that. You'll be in touch, and who knows if and when you'll see them again? It's possible. Haha remember that time Danny tried to kill that cockroach in the bathroom and it totally freaked him out (pause for laughter...eyes start to water). Nope, don't start cryng, Manda, you're laughing right now (phew, that was close). Damn, I'm going to miss this cafe. Where the fuck is Marwa? She better not be sleeping, if she's sleeping I'm going to kill her. How late are the souks open on Saturday anyway? Pretty late right? How much longer should I wait for her before I just go by myself. I totally shouldn't have put off this whole gift-buying thing for the last minute. Maybe I'll call someone else to come with me...nope if they're not also asleep right now, they're probably not close to downtown. It's too hot outside right now anyway. I feel like I should call people. I don't really have anything to say to them right now though. Except maybe goodbye. Don't really want to do that right now, I've avoided crying so far and I'd rather not cry in public alone. Is that weird? Probably not. What else could I be doing right now? Beach? nah, not interested. Wandering around Marsa or Sidi Bou? Too hot, kinda far, not that special to me. Ya shumi, where is Marwa? Wallah. Who else do I want to call? (go through phone numbers...not here, not here, who the fuck is that, at work...hmm) Do I really want to buy a chechia (traditional tunisian hat) for my dad/brother? What else would be a good souvenir for guys that don't smoke shisha? Okay, we're giving Marwa another 30 minutes and then I'm just gonna take care of this by myself, even if it will be more expensive. Oh, hey she's calling me. Yup, she was sleeping. On her way, okay. So how do I want to kill the next hour or so? I can't believe I'm leaving.

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dreams...

As I sit in my café waiting to leave with a friend to her uncle’s wedding 2 hours from Tunis, I am thinking about my experience here in Tunisia, the good and the bad, about the bittersweet goodbye that’s coming in a few short days, and what it is that brought me here. Watching two good friends of mine go through their LC’s exchange system on myaiesec.net, it’s very clear to me that, despite not really doing a traineeship, this crazy organization is very much responsible for my 6 months in Tunisia. I never would have applied for a study abroad program here if I hadn’t met the Tunisians I met at an AIESEC conference in Morocco, my first eye-opening experience.

Now, I’m watching a revolution unfold within my own country. In government, there’s hope for a change, a desire to believe that one of our presidential candidates can start our country down a better course. But also, perhaps a bit closer to my heart after all of the work I’ve dedicated (and continue to dedicate), is the other revolution of hope that is taking place within AIESEC US.

When I arrived in Tunisia, as far as AIESEC was concerned, I was pretty burnt out. I had spent a year as LCP, working hard to strengthen my LC, connect it to the international network, and supporting national endeavors to meet similar ends. After all of that, getting away from the politics and the accountability was a welcome vacation. Now, though, after this whole experience I am re-motivated to contribute my time and energy to this organization. What’s happening now is troublesome, but necessary. There are several extremes that are butting heads and achieving the best solution will be challenging, but I know that this will ultimately be beneficial not only for AIESEC US, but also for AIESEC in general.

Almost exactly 1 year ago (1 year and a week to be exact), our previous MCP sent an email at the start of her term to everyone, and she said:

Dreams are meant to be something to yearn for amidst the daily reality that we are faced with, they are not meant to be something that we can easily see or can easily reach, they are the fuel that takes us where we want to go.
AIESEC is a dynamic organization, it is an organization that has been around for over 50 years and has impacted hundreds of thousands of individuals lives.
Today, you are part of AIESEC and you are in a place that so few people will ever have the chance to be, a place where you have access to resources that many people can only dream about, a place where you are able to interact with motivated, driven individuals on a daily basis that inspire you to do more, and a place where you have the ability to directly change someone’s life every day.
Sometimes I think we lose focus on the dream that we are all here in pursuit of, and I think it is really easy to lose sight of that …I cannot wait to see what we achieve over the next two years and throughout everything that we will go through, I want you each to remember that ‘things worth doing seldom come easy’.


We are all in for a challenge, but I remember now, more than ever, why I choose to give so much of myself to the work of this organization. There is life outside of AIESEC, there are other ways to achieve similar dreams, but for me I didn’t find those things first, I found AIESEC, and I for one am not ready to give it up. What about you?

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Nobody said it was easy...

... No one ever said it would be this hard

Now that I've had some time to catch my breath and escape the American ghetto (what I've been calling the apartment I share with 2 other American AIESECers here, Danny and Alison. We killed 6 huge cockroaches last night. Gross.) Hasilou, now that I've had time to chill the fuck out, it's no longer so overwhelming that I'm leaving this place in 2 weeks. I kind of freaked out about it a little yesterday...in that sense throwing a US history book at cockroaches and smashing them with Danny's sandal helped release some tension.

I went to my friend Marwa's house for the most part of the day yesterday and hung out with her and her crazy sisters. I was invited to their uncle's wedding next week in Beja and they also mentioned going down to Hammamet for a day at the beach and going to a club there (it's a popular summer city for stuff like that). Plus, my friend Houssem is trying to get a group together to go to Tabarka in the north for the Jazz festival this weekend. Houss, another good friend of mine is leaving for Egypt this weekend, my friend Monaem leaves on Monday, and I have a handful of other people to meet for coffee/hang out with for one last time and when Marwa's sisters threw out all of these great plans I felt like I had so much to do and no time to do it.

I want to drink up every last moment I have here. And I don't want to say good-bye. I hate saying good-bye (who doesn't). I've been trying to avoid the idea for so long that now that it's real I don't want it to be. I'm ready to leave Tunisia, but I'm not ready to leave my friends behind. Ugh, no matter how you spin it goodbyes fucking blow.

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me
For I must be traveling on now
Cause there's too many places I've yet to see.

For if I stay here with you now
Things just couldn't be the same
Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
No, this bird you cannot change

Lord knows I can change.

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