Well shit, did I just go and learn something?

So, as I've started to say my good-byes (a couple of my friends left for vacation the other day and won't be back before I leave in 2 weeks), I've begun to look at this experience on the whole. I remember back to when I first felt the frustrations of living in a foreign culture, and along the same vein as this guy, I've been getting to know myself on a much deeper level.

Last week I had a "click" moment. All of the things that I'd been struggling with, all of the thoughts that I was caught somewhere in the middle of suddenly made sense. I felt like I could finally see things for what they were. Now, I'm beginning to see myself a lot clearer as well.

I learned that I try to run away or hide from things that I'm afraid to face. Like as much as anyone can try to run away from anything. I also learned that what I was always afraid of doing with people who I didn't know very well, for fear of appearing a burden or bothersome, are things that I do with the people I trust to be good friends of mine, and those things are normal (in short I had nothing to be afraid of).

It took me waay too long to understand and acknowledge these two weaknesses. There's naturally a whole lot more to my self-analysis, but these two things are what seem to have most affected my experience in both positive and negative ways. And as I've slowly realized this, I've also been learning how to overcome them.

I have to say that for realizing I have two very socially based weaknesses, there's no better place to learn how to ameliorate them than such a community-driven place like Tunisia. In fact, the friends I've made here and the general exposure to this culture are what helped me to define them and I feel an infinite amount of gratitude for that.

So: Thank you, Tunisia. You've most definitely joined the list of places that will forever have a piece of my heart.

Ironic or new advertising strategy?

So here in Tunisia, illegally downloading movies and shows from the internet is, well, legal. There are DVD stores all over the city that will burn you the latest movies and TV series for your viewing pleasure for the equivalent $1.50 (though you can find cheaper).

So the other day I pop in the new movie I bought and what comes up on the screen? One of those ads about how piracy is bad followed by the DVD menu where I pressed play and enjoyed the show.

I was amused.

This crazy thing...

So I've more or less decided that I'm coming home in July (I still haven't bought a ticket yet, though...). Je ne sais pas por quoi, but for a long time (I've been mulling this over in my head for the past week) I've felt...I guess guilty for wanting to leave -- well not so much leave as wanting to return to the US. I guess I viewed it as giving into homesickness, and thus giving into a weakness for the familiar, and maybe it is a little (and that's normal), but I think it's more that I've realized that I've been enjoying and living this life that I made for myself here all along. And while I never stop learning new things here, I'm ready to leave this life behind. Akahow, c'est tout, that's all -- nothing more, nothing less.

I've been keeping a list of the various things I've learned about Tunisia, life, myself, and people in general since I came to Tunisia, kind of like a cliff notes version of my journal (which I've also been keeping). I updated it the other night and saw that it's getting pretty long, and my time here still isn't over. It has been more enriching than I could have ever expected.

Anyway, the point is that it should never be so much about the time you had, or the time you think you should have in a given place or a given situation. It's about what you do with that time and understanding that you have to learn to accept things for what they are, not for what you want them to be. Life just is. It doesn't try to be anything more than that. If you go through life waiting for it to start, you'll be waiting for a long, long time. We are what give Life it's meaning, so it's really up to us to decide what we want out of it - it's up to us to give ourselves purpose.

(Why do I always feel like these realizations are so simple and obvious after I have them?)

Here’s the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violins, just run
With me through rows of speeding cars.
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers,
The coffee’s never strong enough,
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck.

There, there baby, it’s just textbook stuff.
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now darling, oh don’t lose your head,
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you yeah.

"Speeding Cars" Imogen Heap

Mobility

Did you know that in order to get a Visa to the US, Tunisians have to pay 200 TD (which is half of a good monthly salary...which most people don't get) and THEN they get an interview at the embassy so that maybe they'll get to visit The Land of the Free? And, according to my friend Hatem, you have to pay this fee every time you want apply for a Visa.

Americans can stay in Tunisia for up to 4 months without paying a cent for a visa or stepping foot in a Tunisian embassy.

Remember kids/fellow patriots, you're blue passport is a golden ticket and most of us didn't have to work very hard to earn it, we were born with it. Never forget how lucky we are for the rights that we have.

Back in Tunis

It's amazing how much the little things can change a situation. One nice person can redeem 20 assholes, one quick joke can relieve previously insurmountable tension... life sure is funny that way.

I'm back in Tunis after a week touring Cairo and Athens. Despite getting a bit sick in Greece from something I had in Cairo, it was a very entertaining, much needed vacation. It definitely felt strange to return to Tunis, though. Especially with 2 of my fellow travelers returning home to the US while I continued my North African experience. Indeed when I got arrived at the airport I just wanted to go home and crash, but I couldn't quite let my guard down just yet. I had to get a taxi. I wasn't too worried for this after Cairo, considering taxis in Tunis have meters and as long as you make sure they turn it on (which I've never really had a problem with) it's pretty hassle free. Oh, but the line of taxis at the airport are another story, as I was quickly reminded. The first guy told me 10 dinar (about $7) to my home in Ariana (about 10-15 minutes from the airport) cause he had been waiting for 2 hours...I told him no, use the meter cause I'm not paying 10 dinar. Then some other driver came up to me and was like, "yeah, the meter, the meter" we almost get to his cab and he was like 20 dinar. I couldn't stop laughing as I tried hard to remember the Tunisian I hadn't really practiced all week to explain just how absurd that was and I wasn't going to fall for it. Finally I got into a taxi that had just arrived and used the meter. It was 1.5 dinar.

Anyway, as I sit here enjoying my favorite cafe downtown, people watching, I'm trying to figure out just how much longer I want to stay in this truly intriguing country. I've been considering leaving a month earlier than planned and go live with my sister in Portland for the remainder of the summer. My reasons for leaving are a bit varied, but essentially, while there are things I love about Tunisia, I'm not in love with Tunisia and I know, no matter what, leaving will allow my appreciation for it to grow, but sometimes I fear that staying will diminish it. Whatever, it's all about the attitude anyway.

However, when I think about leaving, I start to think about the things I'll miss. This cafe, for example, it's a theater that the owner runs as a cafe when there aren't any shows in production. It's secluded, it's not on the main avenue and it's off the street so, especially for foreign women like myself, it really cuts down on harassment, plus it has free wifi (providing you buy a coffee or a soda or something). But this is a place where you will find very few foreigners. (My friend Rim: "You went to Etoile?! By yourself? But only Tunisians go there!) It's full of young Tunisians and actors, particularly the ones who are trying to rebel against the societal norms of Tunisian mainstream culture. Gays come here, rockers come here, some couples come here cause they can get away with more PDA (no kissing though), and anyone whose just looking to relax with friends and not be judged or hassled by superficial passers-by. Coming here and watching this does two things for me: first it provides a sense of familiarity, as this is the type of atmosphere more common in "western" cultures (though it's still not quite the same), and secondly it provides an interesting look at Tunisian society, seeing the contrast from the people who come to this cafe and how they interact and those at the more "popular" cafes both downtown and in the more posh neighborhoods of Ennasr and the Menzahs. Anyway, it's arguably my favorite place downtown, if not in Tunis...

Anyway, most of what I think I'd miss are little things like when I hear the evening call to prayer walking home from the grocery store with the sunset that paints the clouds an orange shade of pink and the moon is already shining or the good, but clearly non-native english that some of my Tunisian friends try so hard to practice. Either way, I still have at least 4 weeks here and the only thing pressing me to make my decision right now is flight prices (sometimes I think I should become a pilot so that I can just fly myself everywhere I want to go...assuming I had access to a plane...and fuel)