Please don't hit me with your car...and other stories

Every morning in Tunisia, I gain a new appreciation for life. Everytime I arrive at AMIDEAST or CEMAT I think, "Phew! I'm still alive." Why? Because when it comes to Tunisian driving, there are no rules. Crossing the street is like real-life frogger, 2 Lane highways become 5 lanes, 2-way streets become 1-way streets and whatever happens, it's always the other drivers' fault. This morning was especially terrifying. My dad always drives my mom to work downtown and drops me off on the way. We left late, but not any later than before. Well, whether it was pent up aggression or some unknown appointment, my dad was driving CRAZY!! (Mahboul in Tunsi) We were weaving in and out, narrowly missing pedestrians, playing chicken with a public bus and about to drive into oncoming traffic again until we neared an intersection where police were present. I mean, we arrived in record time, and I think I was the only passenger who was worried, but I thought I was gonna die. I'm very glad I didn't, tomorrow we leave to go explore the south for a week.

Also, I had some fascinating conversations yesterday. Fascinating.

So, every thursday AMIDEAST hosts free English conversations, run by @DC's own Isaac Bolger, where Tunisians can come and practice speaking in English. The topics are always really interesting from what I heard, and this was proven true. The topic yesterday was Tunisian perceptions of the Arab World. First of all, turns out that topic is pretty broad. A lot of opinions and ideas came up that could've warranted much deeper conversations. For example, Islam was discussed as a unifying factor for Arabs, but Tunisians are very liberal/secular in their political policies in regard to religious practice. So, they spoke about how the Arab world considers Tunisians less Arab and such and anyway, it came to light that almost every Tunisian present agreed that in order to have a good moral compass, one needed to be religious. Morality comes from religion...fascinating notion #1. Another such issue was that of Language and how different dialects really are. Identity, colonialism, and Israel/Palestine were other topics that were brought up in this conversation...it was incredibly interesting.

One thing I noticed the whole time was just how passionate all of the Tunisians were getting. They all wanted to say their 2 cents and have everyone acknowledge it as the most legitimate, even when they agreed with someone else. And they rarely gave others a chance to finish making a point before cutting them off to argue against them/state their opinion. It was a really interesting dynamic, especially with everything I've learned about having productive conversations from AIESEC. It was also compounded by the fact that these were all non-native speakers, with English being their 3rd language (if not 4th or 5th).

Another interesting (ad-hoc) conversation happened after about relationships and love and boys. There's a huge double standard for Tunisian women. The men want to sleep with their girlfriends and "gain experience" but they want to marry a virgin. One of my new friends was telling me that if a girl gives in to her boyfriend's pressure, he will lose respect for her and not want to be with her anymore. Also, a lot of Tunisian girls marry men for money. They (think they) want the security and that having money will provide them with everything they need to be comfortable and if they are comfortable they will be happy. It was really good girl talk, I told them how chivalry is practically dead in America (maybe the South is an exception...maybe) and guys are afraid to make the first move. They told me that Tunisian guys like to make the first move and can be a bit possessive/protective. It was very educa-er- pedagogical

Alas, I must now go study for my Arabic exam in the morning. On Saturday. Yeah, that's right, Saturday... :(

How do you say "Please don't feed me anymore, I'm going to explode"?

I know what you're saying: Woah, Amanda, 2 posts in one night. Gurrrl, you crazy. What can I say I'm on a roll tonight.

So, a little bit about Tunisian food. It's pretty delicious, especially if you're like me and have a family who generally cooks 2 meals a day (even if I'm only home for 1). The problem is that there is a LOT of it, and Tunisians love to feed you. At any given meal there will be: Salad (salata), soup, pasta, bread (lots of bread), and meat followed by yogurt, fruit, and/or cake. Apparently it is my duty as the guest to eat everything. Always. There's no, 'maybe later, i'm too full right now.' or 'not tonight' or 'I'm not in the mood for more chocolate.'

There's also not a clear concept of the word 'try.' If you say you're going to try something, it doesn't mean they give you a little taste and if you want more you have more. You get a whole serving, and if you want more you have a whole serving more. If you can't eat everything on your plate the reactions are usually: "you don't like it" (they will never make it again for you) "are you feeling okay" (surely, if you can't eat abundant servings of a 3 course meal in 40 minutes something must be wrong)

Even if you manage to get through the meal without overstuffing yourself, or trying to suppress the urge to regurgitate everything you put in because there is just NO room in your entire digestive tract for more food, there is dessert. Granted, the fruit here is DELICIOUS, especially the oranges (tre magnifique). But if you don't save room for at least a piece of fruit...there's no such option. You eat the fruit. Or the yogurt.

They're just being hospitable. And the food IS good. But it's hard to get used to eating big meals 2 times a day at unfamiliar dining times (they don't eat dinner until 8 or 9pm), plus getting used to the food itself...my appetite is not exactly on the same schedule. I've even tried not eating OR drinking anything between lunch and dinner, and I still can't keep up or avoid the confused looks when I try to refuse food.

In other news: Tunisian guys wear a ridiculous amount of hair gel. RIDICULOUS. That's another thing I have to start asking Tunisians. What's with all the hair gel?

I wanna know

Tunis is an interesting place. It's more European than I anticipated. It's a very modern, very open city that happens to be Arab. Yet, it's history is so vast and diverse. I went to the Bardo Museum on Sunday which is in an old palace from when Tunisia was a protectorate ruled by a Bey. It has gorgeous, well-kept mosaics and statutes from the Roman period. And the ceilings! Some of the most beautiful, intricate, hand carved creations I've ever seen. That someone had the patience, attention to detail and creativity to make such a thing boggles my mind. Later we went to Carthage to the old ruins by the sea as well as the ampitheater. I guess it's the American in me (since we don't have many things more than 300 years old, forget 3,000 years old), but being that close to such well preserved history fills me with a weird awe.

This country is still a bit of a mystery to me. It's phoenician, roman, moorish, ottoman, french, african, arab....but it's population is relatively homogenous. I have quite a few questions for tunisians. Do they really consider themselves Arab? French is the language of business and the educated middle and upper classes (keep in mind education is free through PhD here), but Arabic is the national language. However, I have a feeling that when we go to the south we will encounter far more tunsi (tunisian arabic)/arabic speakers than tunis. So why this connection with French? Is it to set themselves apart from the rest of the population? Is it to connect more with Europe and the "developed" world? Or is it more simply the residual affects of colonialism, and nothing deeper?

I can't talk about politics in this democracy, but I can say that they are very proud of their Code of Personal Status, and rightfully so. It was the legal measure that gave women equal, legitimate rights as men in 1956 or 57, right after independence. That's very impressive. But if so many Tunisians talk about it as a source of pride, there seem to be a lot of men who aren't aware of it since low-level (meaning primarily verbal) street harassment is a big concern for women. There's also the conservativism in the south. I can't help but think that they didn't get the "women aren't objects" memo.

Now, I don't mean to sound overtly critical. There are several imperfections to be seen in any country (i.e. racism/equality/affirmative action in the US). But these are all talking points that I'm struggling to find/make opportunities for. Partly because there's a language gap that makes it difficult to maintain the conversation (I can ask the question, and get a response, but continuing conversations gets difficult still), and partly because there aren't too many tunisians I know...yet.

More and more I realize that Tunis is but a window to this fascinating country, and as soon as I find the door, it's over the threshold for me.

"I can see there's so much to learn
It's all so close and yet so far
I see myself as people see me
Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these
strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me"
- "Strangers Like Me" Tarzan

Settling in...

Well, it's been just over a week now. Some highlights:

- Went to some crazy souks with my 'sister' Hiba, where my phone got stolen. It was my fault for forgetting about it. I learned my lesson, but now I'm "the one that lost her cell phone" so now every Tunisian I know is telling me how to be careful and walk around the streets with my valuables. I appreciate this, but after 4 or 5 times from different people it starts to feel a bit excessive. Whatever, the point is I've learned my lesson, and hopefully nothing else will get stolen.

- Went to a Salon Du The with some of Hiba's friends/fiancee and gained a little more insight into what I want to do for my ISP (Independent Study Project). I asked them what they liked best about being Tunisian (strange question, I know, but it gets the conversation going...) they laughed and then the girls said "our women's rights" and the guys said that (other than what the girls said) that there's nothing worse, that things can only get better. Which was interesting. This whole question of identity intrigues me in general. I'd love to frame my project around "What it is to be Tunisian" but so far I have no idea how to give it a good focus. I have a feeling that proposing to ask several young Tunisians what they like about being Tunisian (or what they don't like) for my project wouldn't really fly...

- I am beginning to think more and more in French and Tunisian. As a result my English is getting worse, but I still don't speak French or Arabic well enough to express myself or hold a conversation. It's an interesting linguistic limbo and I'm hoping that it will improve soon so that I won't feel...handicapped by my English

- classes are good and intersting so far, tomorrow will be my first day at CEMAT downtown, so that should be an adventure in the morning.

- After class today (we were done at 10:30 this morning) a bunch of us went to Sidi Bou Said, a beautiful town on the Mediterranean. We went to a small beach and absorbed the beautiful weather. It was one of those small adventures that are amazing and indescribable in the way that life is. It was a moment where you can't help but think: How did I get here? I am so lucky. (I am)

- I ran into an AIESEC friend on the street when we were walking to the train station. I had met him at IC and he is friends with one of my @ friends that I met at MENA LDS. It was pretty awesome.

- Went to a cafe with my friend Houssem and the trainees from his LC. It was a good time and nice to get away from the group and my family, but feel totally comfortable. I mean, with AIESEC friends, that's always the case, but still...it wasn't too American and it wasn't too Tunisian. I got to practice a little spanish (2 of the trainees are Colombian) but I wish my french was better though, like I could insert a french dictionary into my brain and be good to go...that would be sweet

I'm beginning to get the 'small world' vibe. It's one of those feelings that when you think about it, you're like duh! where's the insight and depth in that? But seriously, I'm beginning to feel that the only reason things feel strange to me or even uncomfortable is because I don't speak the local language. Everything else is just like home, people are people no matter where you are. But because I don't know how to communicate on the same level, it's hard to create the same types of relationships. Which leads to feeling out of place, which leads to feeling uncomfortable etcera etcetera and you get things like culture shock and homesickness.

But I refuse to leave the honeymoon stage...I may have bad days, yes, but never too many in a row. And Helene (my roommate at GW) is tutoring me in french, and hopefully I can finagle Isaac to do the same. And I get to practice Tunisian with everyone else. And I can help teach/tutor english at AMIDEAST and everyone will be trilingual and happy and tralalala...

I love living abroad and all of the challenges it poses, but I'll love it even more when I can prove to myself that I can pick up the language well enough to get by...I told myself I'd be conversational in French and Tunisian by the end of the next 2 weeks, I'm not sure how realistic that is, but that's my goal...Go big or go home right?

Shnua?**

Well, I think I've reached that first moment of stepping outside of my box. I moved in with my host family last night. As all of us students sat in the hotel lobby after we finished our last orientation session (and after a fun, spontaneous outing to the zoo down the street), the realization of what was about to go down slowly sank in.

What if they don't like me? What if there's nothing to talk about? What if I offend them? What are we going to do after they pick me up? So, my host sister Hida shows up with my host parents arriving shortly after her. We grab my things and get in the car to stop by her uncle's house cause one of his daughter's just had a baby and we are going to say hi. Firstly, driving in Tunisia is a little terrifying. There aren't really any rules or if there are, not many people follow them. It's sort of like bumper cars, only people try to avoid bumping each other (too hard) and there's no stopping for pedestrians unless it's clear that there's no other way not to hit them (which is usually a few feet from them). Second, she speaks english very well...But, seeing as it's her 3rd language she has a hard time understanding American accents/dialect so basically half the things I say go over her head. Her brother (I guess he's my brother too now), Faris, doesn't speak any English, just French and Arabic. My host mom probably understands English the best out of all of them. Needless to say, things are getting very interesting.

Oh, communication:
As I sat through various conversations that quickly turned into hard to follow Tunisian or French conversations after honorable efforts to speak in English, I found myself wondering: Maybe I should have gone to a Spanish speaking country...that would have been much easier. It's a very different experience to not know how to casually communicate, especially with people who are going to be your family for a few months. I'm suddenly face to face (or vis a vis) with that Language Barrier that everyone always talks about. I'm actually starting to get quite intimate with it.

For those who may be unfamiliar with this huge fence around multi-lingual communication, it's like being on the phone and reception is really, really bad. Or, it's like being at a really loud concert/party and you're trying to have a conversation with someone next to the speakers. You can catch a few words here and there, and you can usually express what you need, but until you or whoever you're speaking with finds good reception (or moves away from the speakers), there's really no fluid conversations, no complete comprehension. Unfortunately, my French and Tunisian are even worse than their English so...looks like clear reception isn't in the immediate area just yet.

I am glad that I am living with a family on my own, rather than in a dorm or in a homestay with another person from my program. While it would be much more comfortable, I probably wouldn't really learn the language(s) as well. So, while part of me and some of you may say: You dumb oaf, why didn't you go to a Spanish-speaking country? You studied that language, you wouldn't be in such a predicament there.

I've thought about it, and I say: Doing that would have been easier, yes, but better? Maybe not. Being in Tunisia I feel foreign, I'm not sure of my surroundings yet, and I am frustrated by my inability to speak the languages, but I kind of like this feeling. It's like my whole body is wide awake. My eyes are opening up to a whole new world, wanting nothing more than to soak it all in. I'm developing a deeper appreciation for the lessons I've learned while I was safe in my bubble (thanks @), and learning how to tango with this language barrier and navigate a place that is unfamiliar in so many ways will be much more rewarding and much more useful than learning some Spanish slang.

Here's to stepping outside of your box until you don't even remember what being boxed in feels like.

**shnua means 'what?' in Tunisian Arabic

So, I'm not so great at haggling...

So, I feel like my last post didn’t really make a whole lot of sense, or at least what I wrote sounded a lot better in my head. Jet-lag is never a good thing. So a few things have happened that are worth noting. Our Academic Director, Mounir, didn’t give us our schedules until this morning so we haven’t really had the time to go off into the city on our own. Patriarchy is something I must discuss at some point…. Ah, heck, why not now?

Tunisia is a very liberal Muslim country. This means that women have a lot of rights and freedoms, which is great, but it still holds on to the chivalrous patriarchal tenets of Muslim culture. The waiters serve the women first, doors are opened, etc. But, when it comes to serious matters of money and logistics…it’s a different story. I noticed this in Morocco, too, but if a woman or a group of women are standing with a man, any man who approaches to strike up a conversation or offer assistance in earnest will approach the male in the group first. (I don’t know if the younger generations really do this, just as a note.) I know that Mounir feels responsible for us so he treats us like his daughters (and sons) I suppose. Anyway, it’s interesting to observe. I might not enjoy it so much if it begins to impede on my ability to explore the culture… we shall see how it goes.

My homestay:

I can’t wait to move in with my host family (FRIDAY!). They live in Bardo which is right in the city, a neighborhood just outside of the medina (the old city). Apparently they have a huge house, like a palace we saw the other day (lots of rooms around a central atrium), only it’s 1,000 years old. Um, wow! They share it with other families, which are relatives. They have a huge garden, too. The dad is retired, but the mom is the director of international cooperation for the Ministry of Gender rights (or something like that) for the Tunisian government (amazing). She’s really sweet and I can’t wait to move in with her. I have a host sister who is 27 and likes to go out and watch movies and all of that fun stuff. I think we’ll get along pretty well. I also have a host brother who is closer to my age in his 2nd year of university.

I haven’t seen the place yet, but I seriously can’t wait and hopefully I’ll be able to get pictures up soon. My host mom was so cute, she called to check in on me earlier today. Sirine, one of the ladies working with SIT here, is engaged to her nephew and has told me that I probably won’t be able to do much studying living with my host family…I’m thinking that’s alright with me.

Walking around the Medina:

We got to walk around “by ourselves” in the medina today. We were split into 2 groups (each with 1 male) to walk around and find gifts for the other group, but we couldn’t spend any more than 5 Dinars (approx. $4) I am a terrible haggler. I got this cheap-o, tiny hookah pipe for 5 TD that should have been 2…but practice makes perfect I suppose. I need to work on my poker face.

***

I really like Tunisia so far, and I really can’t wait until Friday when I can move in with my host family and start meeting up with my AIESEC friends. I might be going up to Carthage Saturday morning, as long as my host family is okay with it/doesn’t have anything else planned I'll get to see one of my Tunisian friends. We’ll see how it works out. Tunisians are so hospitable and sometimes protective, it’s sometimes hard for me to figure out which actions might offend them.

I’m also starting to think that 4 months is not enough to do this country justice. I just might have to stay for another 3…

The Saga Begins...

Okay, maybe it's not really a saga, at least not yet, but I had to pay homage to one of the only things the Americans back home know Tunisia for: Star Wars. It was filmed here, Tatooine is in Tunisia. That's a fun fact for your trivia pleasure.

Anyway, so I've made to our hotel. It's pretty snazzy, free wifi and stellar service. I was ready for the hospitality I suppose (remembering my Moroccan adventure), but it still feels weird to be waited on so diligently when I've been sitting on my ass for the past month and a half.

I've met all but 1 person from my group and they are all pretty cool people. I know that we'll have some fun exploring together. They were also pretty excited when I told them one of my Tunisian friends had offered to show me and whoever else around later this week. I'm really looking forward to seeing them again, and perhaps when I'm less jet-lagged and exhausted I will call them...or try to.

So my mom went ahead and bought me a phone and a Tunisian sim card to use while I'm here, with the impression that I'd be able to call her when I arrived at the airport in Tunis. Well, it sounded fine and dandy, and I thought the phone was good to go, but alas, things were not as easy as I'd hoped.

First of all, the only language options on the phone are French or Arabic (seeing as it's a Tunisian card, it makes sense). Unfortunately, I don't speak either, but from my Spanish background it's a lot easier for me to guess from French than from Arabic. However, listening comprehension is a whole nother bag of tricks I don't have up my sleeve. So, when I dial the US to reach mi madre, some French automated message comes on and says a bunch of stuff and then the call doesn't go through. One of the girls on my program who speaks french says I need to add money to my sim card (which I thought already had some $ on it), so hopefully it's a simple matter to fix. If I run into more troubles, at least it'll be an interesting way to try to learn French quickly.

Haven't seen much of the city yet, but the weather is beautiful and after a good night's sleep, some adventuring will be in order. I'm superpsyched to experience this fascinating place!

Disclaimer: I'm pretty groggy, so apologies if the sentences don't make complete sense.