Home for the Holidays...

Something's missing. I can't seem to get into the christmas spirit. I'm desensitized to Christmas music cause everyone has been playing it all month, and it gets old after awhile. The weather is mild and too warm for snow, which I generally don't mind but is a far cry from the traditional white christmas ideal. Maybe it's cause I'm here in New Jersey this year, not Durango or even DC. It's been over a year since I've been back here. It's a weird feeling, this is.

Everything is familiar, but hollow. I haven't seen my old friends from high school yet, and there are only 2 or 3 who I feel compelled to see at all. My parents are already edging in on my nerves. I don't know, I guess this place just doesn't feel like home so much anymore, or at least not the good parts of home.

Anyway, it's just really strange to feel so disconnected from Christmas for the second year in a row. It used to be one of my favorite holidays, but everything that once reminded me of the holiday (ice skating, snowball fights, decorating the tree, my brother and sister being home, christmas shopping with friends) so many aspects of that are missing. Tomorrow should be interesting...

Oh look at that, my yard just got flooded with blackbirds. Tons of them, flying around like leaves blown by the wind. It looks like something out of a Hitchcock movie.

Stuck in a Rut...

Sometimes I just wish I could curl up in a comfortable place and the rest of the world would just go away...

"Heal Over" KT Tunstall

Isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realize
That sometimes life is hard

It's gonna take time
But you just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

I'm over here, lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer, baby yeah
Cause you'll heal over, heal over
Heal over someday

I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain is built to last

Everybody sails alone
Oh but we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds

I'm over here, lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer, baby, yeah
Cause you'll heal over, heal over
Heal over, someday

Well don't hold on
But don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard
so hard, yeah

Almost there...

I'm so ready for my term as LCP to be over. It has been a crazy, wild, rewarding ride, but nonetheless tiresome to the point of near exhaustion. I'm quite comfortable taking these lessons that I've learned this year and moving on. Alas, there is still some work to be done.

We had LTM this past week, and it seemed to be much more frustrating than any of those I'd attended before. Part of it had to do with the format or structure of the meeting, part of it had to do with communication issues. I think the overriding sentiment coming out of this was "Thank God Missy is our MCP" She really knows how to communicate with the LCs and makes an effort to bridge the perceived gap between the MC and the LC.

Every member/friend I know on the MC always get frustrated when I or other LC members discuss the dichotomy and "versus" scenarios that we tend to see between LC-MC. While I have come to understand and agree with their perspective, I think there is still a significant communication gap. As members transition from LC to MC roles, they begin to look at the goals and objectives of AIESEC more collectively, as they are working to support operations and communities across the nation. Because of this (for some) it gets harder to think about certain situations from an LC perspective. So when the LCs and the MC all get together and start working on certain issues or planning, this misunderstanding is confronted. Conflict and frustration generally ensue unless there are people (like Missy) who know how to communicate to both perspectives in a way that puts everyone on the same page. Basically, this past weekend would have provided some really juicy data for a socio-linguistic study (which is one of my classes, so...yeah)

Anyway, there are a couple issues that I felt the need to do more about, so naturally I joined their working groups: Exchange program quality, AIESEC US and the International Association...plus subgroup and the end of transitioning means that December will be a busy busy month. But it's work that I enjoy doing with people who rock hard core. It was really awesome to spend some quality time with them this weekend.

So, before I can embrace the gloriousness of NFT:
Academically I have 3 papers, 1 performance, and 1 exam before freedom. AIESECly I have several emails to send to members in active-ness limbo and some loose ends to tie before my incredibly capable, insightful successor, Gina, takes the reins (she's pretty much gonna rock) aaand 1 more weekend in New York, a bunch of conference calls and some serioius analysis work. Alright month #12, bring it on...