justification

So, at my school, us International Development majors get some grief because of the field we're going into. People view us as people who are idealistic and wanna go "modernize" the un-modern and develop the "under-developed", which is to say that people in my major are a) fighting for a lost cause and b) arrogant, western sons of bitches. This may be how the field operates now, but I feel the need to say that is NOT where I see the field in a few years.

I initially decided on this area of study because I wanted to make a difference in the world; to help those who didn't seem to be able to help themselves. Well, one thing you quickly learn (at least if you're attentive) in an internationally oriented major is that it is in fact the "Developed" nations who have screwed things up for the rest of the world, and it is in fact these same nations who are keeping the poorer ones poor. So much for my initial reason for studying this right?

Just read a book like "The White Man's Burden"by William Easterly, or even "Seeing Like a State" by James C. Scott and you'll learn just how programs like the Millenium Development Goals or even institutions like USAID aren't really accomplishing their goals of ending poverty worldwide, etcetera etcetera...

The problem with development policy-makers up through this point is that they are forming programs and initiatives under the impression that it is our duty to help these nations (either moral duty, or duty to protect our resource access), but their help is not always asked for and they try to solve the problems from a detached perspective.

The problems need to be examined at a local level and solutions need to come from within the country if they're going to be successful or sustainable. The role of an external agency/ngo should be to add a fresh perspective on a long-lasting issue, and ask the hard questions that sometimes get overlooked when one adapts to a shitty situation. It should not be to solve it for them and try to change things from the outside.

That is why I study International Development and want to work in this field. Because I know I am not the only one who sees the problems with this "developmentalist" mentality and I know that you can't save a world that doesn't want to be saved. And because I also know that I am not the only one who thinks that things can change and that hope isn't lost.

ah, accountability

Sometimes I really just can't wait until January 1st rolls around. When I get to join the ranks of the proud NFTs and pass the torch to the next President.

My experience as LCP has definitely been the highlight of my AIESEC xp, and I've learned more than I ever would have expected. But there are days when the worry gets wearisome, the questions get overwhelming, and the bright future of my LC seems distant. It's the most frustrating thing to see all the potential in the world and how the LC can work, but not knowing how to get there, not knowing if you're team will see eye to eye, and constantly questioning you're ability to lead all while doing your best to present yourself as the strongest leader you can be.

At this point, I'm feeling the pressure that comes at the end of one's term to really make that impact, that impression on my LC. But I've also realized that the mistake a lot of people seem to make is thinking that they have to accomplish everything for their vision within their term. I feel that, if I handle this semester correctly, I will be laying the foundations for my LC to thrive sustainably. I know that my ultimate vision for my LC will not come to fruition in the next 3 months. That it shouldn't be about being recognized as a great LCP, but rather ensuring the survival, growth, and success of my LC.

I guess the true test for me will be how my LC is functioning upon my return next fall. I sometimes worry (as people who often attach themselves to things often do) that going abroad in the Spring and then doing a traineeship in the summer (ojala) will somehow undo everything I've tried to establish. If I come back and the LC is going as strong as ever, if not stronger, then I will feel satisfied.

I guess to sum it up, my goal is to ensure that my LC is fully capable of transitioning and functioning without relying on one specific leader to lead and manage them, but a team. That they are just as capable of motivating and leading others in various aspects as anyone else.

All I can hope is that I walk away from this semester feeling totally un-needed.

"Kissing You" by Des'ree

I've had quite a few things on my mind, lately. Nothing I really wish to divulge at the moment, mostly because none of it is really all that interesting or new. Basically recurring themes of previous thoughts/posts, so not really worth repeating. Right now I'm really just trying to adjust to my new balancing act for the semester.

I've had this song stuck in my head lately (after watching Romeo + Juliet...even though I abhor the play and I think that Romeo is the biggest pussy EVER, I mean really, dude, get over yourself, but I digress...)

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
my soul cried
Heaving heart is full of pain
oh, oh, the aching
Cause I'm kissing you, oh
I'm kissing you, oh

Touch me deep, pure and true
gift to me forever
Cause I'm kissing you, oh
I'm kissing you, oh

Where are you now?
Where are you now?
Cause I'm kissing you
I'm kissing you

Des'ree sings it so beautifully. It really makes your heart ache. (Okay, it makes my heart ache, I guess I can't speak for whoever reads this...)

And the petition process begins...

So, I had my meeting with the Study Abroad office today. Things are looking good. Lucy thinks I have a strong case. I just have to answer a bunch of questions about the program and why what GW has to offer isn't good enough.

I just might make it to Tunisia after all.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...almost

As I strolled out of my building this morning, not too happy about waking up early to go to my uneventful internship, I was hit with refreshingly cool morning air and The Smell. It's wasn't too strong - not yet, it's still early - but it's one of my most favorite smells in the world. Fall. Autumn. Whatever you wanna call it, but the smell of a season full of sunny days, comfy sweaters, and cozy nights by the fire.

Every year, the smell of the leaves drying out, wood burning, and crisp, cool air compounded with the sight of trees changing color is something special. It's at this time when I wish I was back at home, or at least in Durango. There aren't so many trees in the city (though DC has much more greenery throughout it than most cities I've known), and there aren't very many fireplaces around either. Plus, watching the change of seasons in the mountains is pretty spectacular compared to any other place.

I don't know, something about the smells, sights, and tastes just stimulate my senses, making me feel at home and reminding me of happy memories growing up. It's one of those small comforts you truly cherish as you realize that there are very few things in life that stay the same.