IF - by Rudyard Kipling

This is probably my favorite poem. I feel like now is one of those times when I need it the most. Others might find it helpful too.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Okay, I'm not so sure about that last line, but it doesn't take anything away from the rest of the poem.

Pause for poetry

So this is a little poem I wrote over the summer. I don't know who I was addressing, probably my imaginary friend, he doesn't have a name, but I call him Angel...or maybe I was just writing to myself, i'm not sure

If we were two
and you were you
and I was just myself
What do you think we would do?

would we eat? would we drink?
would we laugh? would we think
that life is nothing but grand?
Or, do you think
we'd cower and shrink
and bury our heads in the sand?

For the world is more than just us two
and all the things we could possibly do
would be but a blink in time.
But without such blinks,
the world, I should think,
would rather quickly go blind.

So, if we were two
and you were you
and I was just myself
what do you think we would do?

existential dilemma...

My life is a conundrum. I love being the center of attention, but I'm afraid of hogging the spotlight or attracting too much of it. I want to share my poems and theories, but I only write them in my journal (sometimes here) and I never really talk about them or try to share them with people (other than you who read my ramblings here). I desperately want to be an actress/performer (seriously, it's been a dream of mine since I was little, I'd tell you that whole story but it's too long to read) but I also want to make a real difference in this world and work for an NGO, and I have no idea how to do both, or if I even could. I never would have considered myself a leader, and yet here I am president of my AIESEC chapter, doing things I never thought I ever would (that's aiesec, I guess). I make excuses for people all the time (including myself) but I get disappointed when they don't follow through.

I am haunted by the idea that I might end up like the baker in The Alchemist, who didn't really follow his dream, his "personal legend." Maybe I'm taking too much stock in this book, the whole idea that when you really want to do something it becomes your mission on earth and that you're capable of doing what you dream of at any point in your life. But at the same time I wonder if it's just that my fear outweighs my faith, my passion. You know, the whole idea that Fear of Failure is the only thing that really makes a dream impossible. Or maybe it's just that I'm not sure what my dream is. I just don't know how to rationalize it and I'm left with "what ifs" and "if onlys" *sigh*

Well, as I am wont to do in moments such as this, I have written a poem that I dare to leave here:

When you're young, They tell you,
"You can do anything, kid, you're gonna go far."
But they don't tell you
that the secret is knowing who you are.

When you're young,
They take you to movies and give you books
that inspire goals and dreams.
But really, it's a lot harder than it looks.

When you're young, They tell you,
"Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong."
But they don't tell you
that the war between your head and your heart is hard and long.

When you're young, They tell you,
"Remember, kid, when one door closes, another opens."
But they don't tell you
that some doors are hidden and the search is sometimes hopeless.

When you're older, you learn
that life is full of difficult decisions.
But despite what they told you,
you soon lose sight of your youthful visions.

When you're older,
you struggle to find your passion and pursue your dreams.
And about what they told you?
You are quickly forgetting what it means.

But somewhere inside you
is a ray of light
that resembles your youth,
and reminds you to fight.
And somehow, someway you will understand
that life is a journey
and you are in command.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is not far away

But tomorrow
is just like any other day
- if you think about it -
When Tomorrow comes
it will be the Today
that you planned Yesterday
(Let's be honest)
Did you really think
that today would be any different
than yesterday?
Everything is still okay.
Or is it?
You're still breathing
People are still laughing
Isn't it all the same?
What makes today different
than all of the yesterdays?
And how will tomorrow
be any better, or worse,
than all of the todays?
Don't you know?
Your life is already planned
The stage is already set
for You
to Live
Your days knowing that Tomorrow
everything will be okay,
just like today,
because it's all the same
... Or is it?

(why does this type of stuff only seem to come to me during the wee hours of the morning when i'm trying to fall asleep?)